Hump Day Inspiration: For Those Of You Who Have Pets

A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday and it is just too TRUE and too FUNNY to share.  Enjoy!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT’S ALSO A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are

yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my

food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that

is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in

the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing

me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't

help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when

they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that

sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the

other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but

sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by

some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is

not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your

paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through

the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for

years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the

other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message

on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here....you don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.  That's why they call it “fur”-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.....